Fighting fair in marriage is an attitude and a skill; a skill that must be learned and practice to have a successful marriage. The following are some basic guidelines for fighting fair in marriage:
1. Deal With The Issue Quickly – don’t let it linger indefinitely
2. Deal With Only One Issue At A Time – don’t “kitchen sink” your partner by bringing up everything you’ve been upset about.
3. Avoid “Put Downs” and Generalizations – avoid words like “you always, you never, you are always right or wrong, good or bad,” etc.
4. Listen Without Interrupting – take turns listening and ask questions to clarify what’s being communicated.
5. Don’t Fight In Front Of Your Kids – arguing in front of your children is child abuse. They don’t want to hear it anyway.
6. Don’t Bring Up Past Mistakes, Hurts, or Issues From The Past – don’t dig up the past. Stay in the present with the topic at hand.
7. Avoid Name Calling and Personal Insults – name calling and personal insults might help you to win the argument but may also cause you to lose your marriage.
8. Make It A “Win-Win” Outcome For Both of You – you can only win if you both win.
If you maintain an attitude of honor and respect, all disagreements will eventually be resolved.
Dean Sunseri is a Licensed Profession Counselor experienced in General Mental Health Counseling, Christian Counseling and Marriage Counseling. He is located in Baton Rouge LA.
